Hello. Due to the fact that I’ve received some harassing messages, I’m moving to a new blog. Message me if you want the URL. Thanks!
Thank you SO much. That really means a lot to me. I was really badly bullied for a long time so that anon really got to me. This makes me feel so much better. Thanks again.
This might seem stupid or weird but will you tell me who you are? I just want to know because if I know you irl I’ll try to stay out of your way. I don’t want any trouble. Thanks.
Hey, go fuck yourself.
Thank you, that really means a lot to me. That’s very nice of you to say.
This afternoon, I got an ask from an anon. It wasn’t really hate, but it sure as hell wasn’t nice. It really hurt my feelings. So I just want to say, if you’re going to be negative or unkind, please take your bad energy away from my blog and away from me. I do not like it. Thanks.
Take, for example, the heterosexual woman who later develops an attraction to women, and begins to identify as bisexual or lesbian. She may have experienced this attraction throughout her life and not picked up on it—perhaps she didn’t meet the right woman, or she was living in a repressive environment where homosexuality was not accepted. Or maybe her sexual orientation actively shifted. The attitudes of those around her will be dismissive and unpleasant, as people attempt to erase both her past as a heterosexual and her present as a gay or bi woman.
Though her sexuality has shifted, she remains fundamentally the same woman. Her past history doesn’t magically vanish, and she may even look back on it with fondness or gratitude for the relationships she had. Likewise, people may move through other sexual orientations depending on circumstances, their current stage of life, and other factors; the asexual who later realizes he’s gay, the lesbian woman who develops a bisexual attraction.
I’m not saying I’ve been raped. I haven’t been. I would never pretend to have gone through something like that. And yes, I’m a social justice blogger. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I like trying to use my blog to raise awareness about issues that are important to me. I’m not looking for any excuses to talk about rape more. You clearly don’t know me in real life, because if you did then you would know that I just do what I want, and I don’t look for reasons or excuses to do things. I’m trying to be proactive, yes, in that I’d like girls to know if/when it happens to them that rape or sexual assault is what is going on. The fact is, though, although it seems like you would know, there’s a lot of confusion surrounding what constitutes rape or sexual assault. All my post earlier was about was that I was foggy on my understanding of what category my experience fell into, and while I was reading, I stumbled across a definition that made me say, hey, that happened to me. It’s something that has been plaguing me for months, and I felt like something was wrong about what happened, and I wondered if what happened to me counted as sexual assault. And learning that sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact, I also learned that that is what happened to me. I’m not looking to make my ex-boyfriend a villain who abuses women. I’m not looking to be a victim. I’m not looking for anything except some clarity. I often find that blogging helps me sort through things. So sorry, I’m not sorry for working through my shit on my personal blog. If you disagree with what I have to say, don’t come on my blog. Thanks.
I’ve always considered myself pretty educated when it comes to social issues, particularly concerns that are exclusive to women. I know what rape is, and I know the statistics. I shut down assholes who make rape jokes and I have people close to me who have been victims of rape. But today, I was reading Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti. I’m on chapter 4: the Blame (and Shame) Game. And I came across this quote: “the legal definition [of rape] differs from state to state, but the generally accepted definition is forced intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral)- force being physical or psychological coercion… Sexual assault is different. It’s unwanted sexual contact, like grabbing, fondling, or other nasties.”
And I thought to myself how awful it is that more than 1 in 6 women experience rape in their lifetime, and wondered at how many more are victims of sexual assault. And then it hit me- I’m a victim of sexual assault.
I’ve always known that this is a crime that can be perpetrated by a loved one, not necessarily a random and dangerous stranger. However, I have wondered if what happened to me was sexual assault, never really knowing. This excerpt confirmed my fears. My ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me. And I want to write about it, to share this experience and the doubt that followed and the way I excused it despite being the sort to stand up for myself, because I want other girls to know that what happened to me was NOT okay and if it happens to them, that isn’t okay either.
I was making out with my then-boyfriend, messing around. The thing is, I tend to get kind of loud and my family was home. So I told him we could only kiss. But he kept grabbing my chest and sticking his hand in my pants and touching me. It felt good, I liked it. But I had said no. I didn’t want to do it then. Yet he continued touching me despite the fact that I was very clear in my protestation.
I brought it up to him later and told him that it really bothered me. He apologized and said that he should’ve listened to me. I felt better and that was that. After we broke up, though, all these little things that he had done surfaced. And I realized that some of them weren’t so little. And after months of wondering, am I a victim of sexual assault? It has been confirmed- I am.
Just because it felt good, doesn’t mean it was okay. I said no. I was clear and firm in saying no. I said no more than once and in a variety of ways. None of that matters, though, because one simple no should’ve been enough.
Just because we’d done it before and did it again after, doesn’t mean it was okay. Just because he was my boyfriend doesn’t mean it was okay. Nothing makes it okay. I said no.
If you’ve had a similar experience, don’t keep it to yourself and wonder like I did. Talk to someone you trust. Write about it. Blog about it. It is a painful realization that I have been sexually assaulted.
There are all these terms for what happened to me that I really don’t like. Victim. Assault. They don’t seem to fit. But I was violated. I was hurt, albeit not physically. And that’s wrong. Men do not have the rights to our bodies. We each are the only ones with the rights to our own bodies. We control our bodies. No one else can tell us what to do with them. As women, we need to take back control of our bodies and ourselves.
It’s weird that I’m a hairless, talking ape with custom crystals suspended in front of my eyes so I can see, and I live with a tiny panther who just accepts me as a part of the world around him and attempts to interact with me despite the fact that he doesn’t understand my language and I don’t understand his
I do approximately no drugs
i feel sooooo confused about what i look like? am i fat am i skinny and i pretty or ugly i literally CAN’T TELL AT ALL. how i feel about my looks changes on a min to min basis and is mostly affected by my mood i am so confused what the HECK do i actually look like to u people. i feel like an alien in my body
"THIS PICTURE WILL NOT CHANGE THE WORLD, BUT I STILL NEED FEMINISM AND I’M GOING TO REALLY, REALLY TELL YOU WHY":
-Because I got called a whore for wearing a short plaid skirt when I was 10
-and because when Nujood Ali from Yemen was 10 she got divorced
-Because black girls’ names became my classmates’ favorite “joke” when I was 11
-and because when an 11-year-old girl in Texas was raped by 18 men the New York Times wrote of how the girl “dressed older than her age”
-Because I started counting calories when I was 14
-and because when Malala Yousafzai was 14 she was shot in the head for trying to go to school
-Because I heard a boy greet a girl with “hey slut” today at age 16
-and because when a 16-year-old girl in Steubenville, Ohio was filmed being raped by two boys at a party while unconscious the CNN reporters talked about how tragic it was because the rapists had such bright futures as athletes
-Because I will have to watch my drink at all bars and parties when I am 22
-and because when CeCe McDonald was 22 she was sentenced to 41 months in prison for defending herself against a man who screamed transphobic, racist insults at her and then slashed her face with a bottle
-Because no matter what age I am the biggest threat to men will still be heart disease, and the biggest threat to women will still be men.
-Because it is not just about me, because it is not just about anger, because it is not just a JOKE, because it is not just about “hating men,” because it is not just about girls with vaginas, because it is not just about ending “slut”, because it is not just about white straight girls in Rookie magazine, because it is not just about writing on backs, because it is not just about the fact that gay men are “fags” but lesbians are “hot,” because it is not just about pictures of thin white girls being the only google image results for the search phrase “beautiful women”, because it is not just about writing signs, because it is not just about what she was wearing or how many times she said yes before she changed her answer to no, because misogyny is not just about one thing and feminism is not just about one thing and it is not just “a trend” and it will not “happen” in just one way.
-And because yes. It is about equality for EVERYONE, but first and foremost it needs to be about equality for girls, because they are not treated equally to men, in every single sense, and you are not going to take feminism away from me and call me bossy/hostile/aggressive and make this about yourself or make it into a joke, because truth be told, I’m not joking and I’m tired of explaining. If you want to call yourself a feminist, you work hard to spread feminism, you do not turn this into a contest of whose struggle is greater and constantly demand to know what you can get out of feminism personally. Feminism is not just about you, or me, it is about everyone. If you’re male and you’re tired of men being stereotyped as hyper-masculine, soulless, sexist, inherent leader-tyrant creatures, then go out and prove the patriarchy wrong and fight for girls, like someone with a soul who believes in equality would. Then, yes, feminism will be about everyone.
It’s hilarious that we live in a society that will shame you for how much sex you have and for the junk food you eat. Like, wow, how dare you eat delicious foods and have orgasms, you’re a monster. Enjoy your miserable life filled with pleasures.